Sunday, August 10, 2008

Project Runway: Rings of Glory

As Apollo Ono was skating off into the sunset, I said to Cindy, "This challenge is going to be a complete shitshow and it is going to be AMAZING." I was not wrong. I LOVE when they give the designers hardcore sports because it activates panic EVERYWHERE.

Well, first of all, these designers should KNOW BETTER. Most of them have watched the show and they should be prepared from some kind of challenge that's going to take them away from their comfort zone and throw them into an environment they aren't going to be familiar with. It's season 5, people!

Also, I think maybe I am in love with Stella now. I cannot explain it. Cindy basically said it's because she is neurotic and thus I relate to the characters. She may not be wrong on this count.

Stella is still on my shit list. Blayne, however, is making me like him and I'm not happy about it. He's weird, he's creepy and he has a dumb catch phrase but he's so funny. God bless his little heart.

Speed Quote of the Episode!

Speed: [responding to Suede's sketch] I like that drawing looks like, what's that cartoon...the anime? Yoo..jai...oh?
Me: Err, I am not up on my anime. Oh! Sailor Moon!
Speed: YEAH, Sailor Moon! That's it!

GENERAL COMMENT: I'm just going to say this once - the answer to this challenge in ALL INSTANCES is "red, white and blue"...and USA USA USA red, white and blue, not this pink, purple, sky blue weirdness everyone was doing. WTF. It's the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics...whatever your personal sartorial leanings are, this is not the time to exercise them, at least in color.

Blayne...I really resent the fact that Blayne keeps making things that I don't hate. I find his mere existence so offensive that I want to hate everything associated with him, but then he keeps making stuff that's fairly cute. Asshole. Anyway, I don't like the shoes, and he's getting a little one-shoulder-happy, but overall I think this is a cute outfit. That being said, I am not sure how it would be on athletes...having monster thighs would be an issue, and swimmers, forget about it. Cute outfit for a normal (though skinny) human. I liked this look, although he's getting to be a one-note with the asymmetrical shoulder shit. It's simple, it's cute and he seems to be thoughtful in his design.
Daniel...really, who doesn't love a uterus button? I don't really hate the concept, but again, this is not really an Opening Ceremony outfit. I feel like one more row of buttons is required...maybe some more interest at the belt? I don't know. It just doesn't do much for me. I don't hate it, but I don't like it particularly either. What I DO hate is the overall greasiness of Daniel! Oh Mylanta! With the v-neck down to his navel and the hair issues EVERYWHERE and the grease and the convict eyes? GROSS! Oh Daniel, you are really beginning to make me notice you in a very bad way. Lee and I both noticed how particularly gross he looked last night, so yeah. This dress is just shitty all the way around, from the color to the style. I'm sorry, but this was inappropriate. And whatever comment Michael Kors had about being from the Republic of Cocktail nearly made me piss myself. Love the man, hate his stupid, ugly clothes and accessories. Jennifer...I actually think this skirt is pretty cute. That being said...USA? Anyone? Are we only sending the New Orleans Saints to the Olympics? Are we lending our athletes to two-thirds of Belguim? (YES I have a mental index of flags of nations, what of it?) This deserved the Auf for sheer not-getting-it-ness...the fact that it's a sweet outfit in its own right is just an unfortunate side note. I thought this was fucking adorable, but definitely not appropriate for the Olympics. If this sucked I would have felt a little better about seeing her go but this was soooo cute! I didn't get the gold and white skirt, and I think her lack of USA colors really did her in.
Jerell...I was so offended by the dementia that was this hat and neck situation that I didn't even realize that it was a SKIRT OVER LEGGINGS! Can we just take Jerell out back now for the beatings? I THINK that's actually a cute skirt, but who would ever know? Just way too much at work here...there are at least three patterns on the scarf/ascot/cravat/whatever, PLUS hat, PLUS blouse detailing. Can someone print this child the Coco Chanel adage about taking one item off before leaving the house and tape it to like, his face? The tragic thing about this is that pretty much everything on this outfit except the hat and leggings, I would wear, but I would never put them all together because I don't want to give everyone I encounter EPILEPSY. In other news, does anyone else feel like Jerell is mostly here because he wants to be the next big Catchphrase Guy? He is grating my nerves something fierce. HAHAHAHAHA! Imagine Flo Jo in this shit. Wow. I know they said Jennifer's look was silly, but I think this is flat out ridiculous. By the way, this model constantly looks like she needs to crap. What the hell is wrong with her face? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Joe...despite wanting to slap the shit out of Joe for the bulk of the episode (SACK UP, HO!), I actually quite liked this. I think you really need to make the shorts the same length as the skirt, but overall I think this hit the mark on the whole Olympics, USA, go team aspect of the challenge. The two color zipper thing was cool, I like the overall look and think it would work for athletic bodies. I like the retro-but-fresh effect of it all. I thought he hit the nail on the head with this look. I love the skort (although I agree about the length) and the jacket and everything else he did with this. And yeah, he was being a total bitch.
Keith...what is WITH this model and the face? Good lord. I thought she was just doing that because of the S&M-fest of last week but I guess her face is just stuck that way. I actually think I really like this skirt, though I would like it longer and not smooshed under there and looking like it's being squeezed out of a tube. The fabric was really nice and floaty, and all swirled around like that, I really liked the effect. Then...there was the rest. The basic shape of the top is nice but I hate the collar, and the scarf situation DEFINITELY does not jive with it. Even if she had just unzipped (is it a zip? I think it's a zip) the top a little more to give the scarf more room to breathe, it would have been vastly improved. Sort of the story of this outfit, really...if she'd just given all the elements of it room more space, it would have been much much better. I still don't think I would have liked the skirt for Opening Ceremonies but I would have enjoyed the overall effect much better. I think she looks really goofy. Keith is also getting on my shitlist somehow, although I'm not exactly sure why. I like the fabric for the skirt but the rest of it is stupid! I hate this. Next!
Kelli...this is the problem with turning these people loose in a museum first. Everyone decides they want to take it retro, and it all ends in tears. Is this a cute enough outfit? Sure. Is it appropriate for the Opening Ceremonies? Not really. I would wear it to work. Well, no, SOMEONE would wear it to work. I don't like the pocket/line things and my arms would look like slabs of dead meat in that shirt. But someone could! The retro stuff is fun but she looks like a flight attendant to me. It's boring and overdone and I'm over it.
Kenley...totally cute - for something that is not the Opening Ceremonies. I have been trying to get up the courage to try some highwaisted skirts, and I would absolutely try this because I love the plaid. That being said, isn't this a little too formal for the Ceremonies? Also, no red! I'm not so much a fan of this one. I just don't think it's appropriate, plus I'm not a plaid lover, so this look just doesn't do it for me. There's also something weird going on with the shirt but I don't know what. Kenley is starting to annoy the hell out of me. Is it any surprise she and Daniel are buddies?
Korto...I really don't know how I feel about this as the winner. It's fine and all, but it's kind of bland and I wish she'd lined the pants. The stripes along the pant crease are actually kind of neat, but with the effect replicated along the crotch seam...yick. The jacket is cute enough but I wonder how it would look on actual athletes - again, I'm thinking about swimmers. You put one chick who swims fly in that and it's going to look like some kind of Incredible Hulk parody. I would have liked to see a wider belt, as well. Just very very blah to me. I actually thought Korto was going to be in trouble, and was surprised when she was in the top 3, and eventually the winner. I love wide leg pants, but I also think they needed to be lined. The jacket is shapeless. I don't really think this would compliment an athlete's body at all., anyone? I actually like this for the most part. That being said, I wish that the neck ruffle action was flared out away from her face a bit more, because right now it just reminds me of how sorority girls of un certain age will wear like...a teeny teeshirt with a scarf in the dead of winter and you just think "if it is cold enough for one, it's automatically TOO cold for the other." Interestingly, this is much like Korto's color dynamic...lots of white with touches of red and blue, but I think because it's an opaque, clean, bright white and it's short and sleeveless, the proportion is much better and it makes the whole outfit spicier. I also thought this was cute, although the shorts were a little troublesome for me. They're...baggy or something weird. I do love the crisp white look and I think it's cute enough, although once again, not sure it would look so hot on an athlete. know, I actually kind of like this OUTFIT though once again (forever and ever with this challenge), it's not an Opening Ceremonies outfit. I am not in love with the belly button hole...I think the difference between the hole and it zipping all the way to the bottom of the jacket is the difference between Stella's style and a more sleek look. This would have worked out better, Olympics wise, if she'd used a lighter blue...the navy just blends right it, which produces some of the weirdness of the belly button hole. Funky outfit, not for Olympians, but neat. Also, I am in love with the crackedoutness of Stella now...I mean, there's just no bullshit, you know? She loves leather and she has her own aesthetic, and she's NOT deviating from it no matter what, and that's all there is to it. Also? That jacket thing she was wearing in her interviews? With the GIANT FUCKING SPIKES on it?! She is nuts and I love it. I also found the belly button hole on the bottom offensive. WTF? I don't know. I think she's kind of annoying and more whiney than she is straightforward. There's always this "Oh God I have to do something for the Olympics and how can they make me do this I only work with LEATHA" thing she has going on and it pisses me off. What did you expect? Plus, she always looks terrible. I don't mind that she wants to do her own thing, but it's getting fucking annoying.
Suede...ah, the Sailor Moon dress. I like the skirt, lots of nice movement. I actually have a similar skirt that is white with black ribbon, but it's of a light cotton and threatens Marilyn Monroe moments at every turn, so I don't wear it all that much. Unfortunately, from the waist up, this is boring as shit. He REALLY couldn't have come up with something a little more interesting? Pull some of the navy and red into the white top? A ruffle? ANYTHING? Showed promise, got boring fast. The skirt is adorable, and I do agree that the top is boring. This would probably make some of those athletic ladies look absolutely frightening, so yeah, probably not a good idea. I the only one that noticed that this tube top only came up to her NIPPLES? I was freaking out all "what? WHAT THE WHAT? What is going on in the nippular region?" and Speed is just like "you are crazy, everything is fine." Is it a conspiracy? That being said, I thought this was very chic and pulled together. I like the neck ruffle and the jacket has just the right amount of detail without being obnoxious. If you ask me, THIS is how people should dress for the Fourth of July, rather than buying stanky Old Navy teeshirts and generally looking like a high school history book puked on them. Also, this can replace the general category of "Americana" any time. When are people going to learn how to wear red, white and blue without being offensive on every level? This is the kind of thought that keeps me up nights. No, I noticed the shortness of the top as well. I was like...are those boobies sticking out on top? I'd like to say right now that Terri will be in the top 3, and possibly win the entire thing. She is often overlooked when her clothes are fucking gorgeous and chic. You can tell that her tailoring is impeccable and that her style is amazing. I was kind of disappointed that she didn't win because I thought this look was stylish and classy and would have been great on most bodies. Ditto on the 4th of July crap too.

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