I am just going to put this out here now. Lifetime, if you turn my favorite TV show into the kind of dreck you air all day, every day, I will fucking cut you. That is all.
So anyway, let's all enjoy this season before Lifetime gets their sappy, hormone-saturated mitts on Project Runway. So far it looks entertaining, at least, and in a LANDMARK event, The Lucy and I hate most of the same people! Normally, we have a conversation like this relatively early in the season:
Me: Oh my God, __________ is SO OBNOXIOUS! I want to stab him/her
repeatedly in the eyeball!
The Lucy: Are you on drugs? I love ___________!
As far as I can tell, this is because The Lucy is better able to look past obnoxious personality to the fashion being produced. Our agreement on the annoyance of Blayne and Suede is refreshing and a good indicator of the IMMENSE obnoxiousness of both. A couple notes to begin the dress-by-dressage...
- The guest...mentor?...and guest judge was none other than the inestimable Austin Scarlett, who horrifies both Speed and School Friend Cindy, because they do not know better. Austin is a lot to take, visually, what with the insane dressing and the makeup and the "soft serve ice cream hair" (as magnificently described by someone who lives in Internet land), but if you've watched the first season you know he is to be adored. He won this same challenge on the first go-round with a really spectacular dress made of corn husks. Even though he forgot to refrigerate it and it got a little shrivelly, the judges exhibited exemplary good sense and gave him the win.
- On the model front, there are two semi-startling women on deck. One is named Elena and appears to be almost normal human sized. The other one is named Germaine (hehhhh, her name is Relevant) and she...does not have boobs. I don't know what the deal is with it, but seriously, she walked down the runway, turned at the end, and dang.
- During the "Coming Up This Season" clips, there was one that featured Tim Gunn saying "it's like a pterodactyl in a gay Jurassic Park." I love Tim Gunn.
- This was the first viewing of PR for School Friend Cindy. We have developed a habit of watching TV codependently (i.e. watching the same show and commentating via AIM), and this time, we watched PR. Good times!
- Daniel "from Brooklyn," you are from GREAT BARRINGTON, MA, stop being an assface.
- I wonder how much they paid Kit Pistol to wax enthusiastic about designing an outfit based on a car. On a SATURN. I hope it was a lot.
Kenley
Josie: I thought Kenley did a great job with the bustier. I actually like the skirt a lot more in this picture than I did when it was moving on the runway last night, because the stiff "fabric" was getting kind of caught up on itself. Now that I can see it like this I actually really like it.
The Lucy: I liked the bodice too, but there was a little piece of me that felt as though it were kind of...obscene? I'll give her props for working the hell out of that rubber ball though. The skirt is cool, but this look is really meh for me for some reason.
Terri
Josie: I kind of hated the top of this (I am pretty sure I saw nipple, also...WTF?), BUT it was interesting and creative, so I will give it a pass. The skirt was pretty blah but did well showcasing the work she had done on the top.
The Lucy: I wish she had stitched the braided ropes together, because as she was braiding I kept seeing a sweater knit. It would have looked better if she made it look like an knit piece. The skirt is just a pencil skirt but I dug her idea for the top.
Suede
Josie: I was really surprised by this, because I expected a lot more insanity from Suede, and instead got a total snoozefest. Adding the pieces of blue all over the TABLECLOTH (which was the tableclothiest looking one of them all) was somewhat helpful but overall, this was just boring. The styling was also really weird...what's with the big ole prom updo and big shiny jewelry? And in what world do they go with GINGHAM?
The Lucy: Oh sweetness, this sucks. I really don't have anything to say about this other than it's completely boring. I'm pretty sure any person could come up with this look...a tablecloth with blue shit on it. Hooray!
Emily
Josie: I...don't get or like this. There's weird shape, cooch highlighting via that little uptick in the hem dead center of her legs, the boots don't go, the neck ruff is weird and alarming and so help me, I'm abandoning the color disclaimer for a minute here because WTF is this all ABOUT? You couldn't find ANYTHING less jarring that smashing what looks like something you stole from an Elizabethan-themed children's clown on top of a cream colored weird but fundamentally sedate dress?
The Lucy: I kind of dig on where this look could have gone. I think the neck piece is actually really cool but it doesn't go with anything! The dress doesn't make sense, it's really Peter-Pan-ey and the boots look stupid. I wish something different went on from the neck down because it could have been cool.
Leanne
Josie: I would have hated this far less had Leanne not done the white bits on the skirt itself. I also wasn't wild about the BACK of this where she just slapped those candies on...the LEAST she could have done is do some kind of cool pattern. Putting them all in rows like that just looked bland and janky. Not horrible but not my favorite either.
The Lucy: I thought the detail of the meringue cookies was cool, but I didn't really think much of this dress. The candies glued on the back were abysmal. I also kind of get the white poof thing, but I think she took it too far. It could have been cool if they were just peeks in the pleats.
Jennifer
Josie: Jennifer...cute but bland. I think this is a casualty of the Shopping In A Grocery factor.
The Lucy: Cute. I liked the little kiss details she did. Nothing special though.
Jerell
Josie: Jerell mentioned the movement on this and it really was very cool. The bodice is fitted REALLY well and I actually love the cute little head thing. I could live without the funky sleeve but it doesn't ruin everything for me, so I'll let it live.
The Lucy: Oh, what fun. I actually liked the koosh sleeve, but that may have been a nostalgia thing. It's fun and pretty and the head piece is really fantastic. I love it and want one.
Keith
Josie: I thought this little Keith number was really cute, and it disappointed me when Tim gave the Tablecloth Speech as he was standing near it because it was the LEAST I-draped-a-tablecloth-y of them all. I would actually WEAR this, and I thought he did an awesome job, even BEFORE he added more netting...I think it was fine all on its own!
The Lucy: I'm kind of on the fence about this. While I think it's kind of cool, I think this look is getting a little overdone. It's not really creative, although it is pretty and well executed. I do kind of get Tim's point - it's obvious that he was kind of taking the easy way out.
Wesley
Josie: I could live without the gloves, but boy, they really show you the hypercutesy Marc Jacobs influence, don't they? The dress itself is cute enough but I REALLY like the little swath of assorted stuff. Don't love the styling, but I think overall this is cute.
The Lucy: I loved the bright color and all the little bits that he used as accents. Once again, not really a creative piece but cute and well done. I think the accents really made this special...without them though...eeehhhhh.
Joe
Josie: All right, the top is pretty meh, but the use of the pasta is very cute and the skirt had good movement so I'll let it pass. Kind of a snooze.
The Lucy: This one was actually one of my favorites. I loved the pattern on the skirt and the way it played with the tomato pattern. I may also love this just because I'm Italian, and pasta and tomatoes make me happy.
Korto
Josie: I really liked this, even though I could have seen it shorter...I think that would have gotten the judges off her back about the tableclothiness. The use of the veggies was VERY cool and very much in the spirit of the challenge, I think. Love the yellow color!
The Lucy: MY VEGGIES! Fabulousness. I think this was really cool and the veggie "necklace" made this really special. So pretty.
Daniel
Josie: Okay, how awesome was this? We just talked about the real-life model aspect but the dress itself is so damn cool. Obviously, I like it more because it's made out of a cool material rather than it actually being some kind of revolution in fashion design, but the design itself isn't BAD either, just pretty basic.
The Lucy: I thought this was pretty amazing, just because he made this cool melty plastic dress. I really liked this one. Also, I think this model looks like Elia from Top Chef, and it kind of bothers me.
Blayne
Josie: What does one even say about this? I like that in this picture it looks like ump gear.
The Lucy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! The upside to wearing this is that you're safe if you get your period whilst wearing it. So much ugly.
Jerry
Josie: Let's review...this is a FISHTAIL raincoat, with yellow dishwashing gloves, and a tissue paper dress. EPIC FAIL.
The Lucy: Perfect for a night out on the town with Jack the Ripper. Either that, or a fashionable outfit to wear to the meat packing plant. Her face really does say it all.
Kelli
Josie: I thought the skirt on this came out REALLY well, but I hate the top so much I find it distracting. Everything's fine until you hit the coffee filter boobie manhole covers and then it's all over.
The Lucy: The skirt is pretty badass. I think it's funny that Jerry criticized her for what she did and he ended up getting kicked off. Had this model breasts, this look could have been a disaster.
Stella
Josie: God, what to say. Honestly, I think this does jive with her overall aesthetic but the WHINING on the way to its creation was almost more than I could handle. Like, okay, you can't make pants. That's horrible for you but SACK UP, HO!
The Lucy: "I will be the jackass of the nation." Best line ever. Worst dress ever. She could have done so much with this but instead she chose to complain instead of using her head to come up with ideas. She may not be long for the show.
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