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So, last night I was thinking about how you'd read that this season was a lot like season one, and I think that was accurate, in a SURPRISINGLY good way, rather than a returning-to-a-dry-well way. I liked the re-do of the Gristedes challenge, and I enjoyed the return to model personalities and involvement in this challenge, which I found to be very reminiscent of the wedding dress challenge from season one. I could have lived without the added green factor (why not have a challenge exclusively focused on green creations?), but I'm guessing that was the clincher for Natalie Portman's appearance on the show, and it wasn't TOO obnoxious, so I guess I can deal. I did NOT love the way that the green factor resulted in a lot of similar fabrics, several of which (I'm looking at YOU, brown satin) kind of sucked. I actually liked the results of this challenge a lot...funny that the winner would be one of my least favorites.
I also think that it's a return in a good way as well. I was actually kind of surprised about the small choice of fabrics that the models had, unless they are just the dumb and took the easy way out by copying off each other. I thought Natalie's eye makeup was awful and I got a kick out of them saying that she has a green shoe line, which is laughable because basically, she's making cheap shoes and probably charging and arm and a leg for them. Whatever.
Blayne/Polina...does Polina here remind you of Jewel? I liked this dress a lot more than I would have expected, what with the black/pink combo (not an instant strike, but tough waters to navigate) and the asymmetrical shoulder action, which I always have a hard time with. The sleevelet is really interesting and the panel of black is JUST enough to add interest without shoving the dress over the edge into 80's territory. Honestly, in a lot of ways this is a total 80s owl pellet, but I think Blayne really handled all the components well and in a way that kept is fresh and modern. Also, her bod looks rockin' in it. I HATE that I like something of Blayne's. I happen to be a fan of the asymmetrical look, and I'm an 80s ho so I really like this look. I think that the texturized sleeve is really pretty and it gives it a point of interest. I also like the black panel because I think it's really slimming, and yeah, she does look damn good in it. When Blayne said that Heidi was "darthlicious," I was hoping that someone would stab him. I do feel disgust at liking something he did but really, how could he not improve?
Wesley/Alyssa...I actually love the IDEA of this but come on Wesley, what's with the execution?!? I know satin is tricky, but dude, I PERSONALLY have done better hemwork than that, and that's pretty sad. I am almost ANGRY that the execution wasn't better because when they did a closeup on it on the judging line, there was all kinds of cool detailing and such on there. Could have really been awesome, had it been better done and maybe in another fabric. I was not quite ready for the little foppish neck thing, but the fluting and stuff on the skirt had awesome potential. Bummer to see Wesley go, too...I was looking forward to seeing more from him, AND he was the Massachusettsian I didn't hate. (YO. IN THE COURSE OF CONFIRMING THAT DANIEL WAS THE MASSACHUSETTS PERSON I HATED, I DISCOVERED THAT WESLEY AND DANIEL ARE DATING. I do not approve of this. Wesley is great and Daniel is a douche. Thoughts?) His tailoring was rather unfortunate, because like you, I think he had a great idea. It really was a mess though. Also, part of my delay in writing this to you had to do with the fact that I still have no idea what people's names are and for some reason I thought you were referring to that dude Michael Adams from the first season of Top Design because I remembered that he was also a douche from Massachusetts. Speaking of Top Design, do we really need another season of that pile of shit? I'm not watching it, I swear.
Daniel FROM GREAT BARRINGTON, MA/Elena...both Speed and I really liked this one. I really enjoyed the movement of the skirt, and the sleeves are very cute. It's classic and pretty, and it's a good look for the model, IF a little too close to her haircolor. I think this could have benefitted from some brightly colored shoes and DEFINITELY from some colorful jewelry up by her face. Very nice. Have I mentioned that Brooklyn is lovely and also not where Daniel is from? Because he is from Great Barrington. I'm actually not a fan of this look. I think it's a little boring and too monotone for me. The shoes and jewelry might have helped but overall, meh.
Jerell/Nicole...my gut reflex to this was to really like it. Very different, good shape, interesting detail. I think this picture of it is fucking horrid. However, once I moved out of the gut reflex zone, the breasticular area started giving me issues. As Speed said, "it looks like her boobs are in her armpits!" That being said, the whole thing isn't destroyed by the bodice for me...I am willing to give it a chance, even if I would never wear it. I really enjoyed the little neckpiece up there. Oh this model's face is so annoying...why does she always look like she needs to take a dump? Anyway, I'm not really a fan of this one either, mostly because of the poor tailoring. The top of this dress is completely out of control. I also think it looks kind of cheap.
Jennifer/Alex...the movement on this was great! This is exactly why when whoever it was was bitching about how their model had bought jersey, which would NEVER EVER work for a cocktail dress, I was like "er...we do not see eye to eye." Yeah, it's more difficult, but I think Jennifer demonstrated exactly how it could be done. That being said, I hate the colors, and the grey bodice parts are emitting slightly more overalls vibe than I personally am ready for. But! I think this is very sweet and actually quite chic for someone who does not have the same sensibilities that I do. I'm not a fan of the colors but I am a fan of jersey, because as I've said in the past, it truly is God's gift to women. It CAN be done with the right accessories. I've done it myself and I know it can work. I think it's pretty, and with different colors it wouldn't have looked as casual. I like this one.
Emily/Leslie...DAMN DUDE THAT SHIT IS SHORT! This is a cocktail shirt, I'm sorry. I don't hate it or anything, I am just kind of startled by the length. Was is that short on the show? Are we sure? Wow. Okay. So I have this issue with trim. I am not against the braiding that was employed here, but since some of it is the same color as the rest of the bodice, I think it looks weird. Every time I see something like this, I dislike it. However, I like everything symmetrical and in block colors, so who am I to judge? On final analysis, this is not very cocktail dress-y to me...I think of a cocktail dress as being more sophisticated, and this says a lot more "Vegas cigarette girl" than "Bombay martini, please" to me. I think different trim would have helped and I think a longer hemline would have helped. Not bad, just not cocktail and not fabulous. I think with a few tweaks this could have been very pretty, but as it stands it's too short, and I agree that the braiding would have been prettier if it had been in a contrasting color. This looks like one of those tunic-y tops that you wear over leggings. I like the necklace though.
Keith/Runa...I swear to God these were not this short last night. This one's got extra emphasis on it too since it looks like the curtains are coming up on the main event. I do NOT like the juvenile hairstyle, and that is distracting for me, since it's a pretty sophisticated dress at work here. Unfortunately, this is not a great bodice for this model...when I first saw it come down the runway, I thought the bodice was poorly constructed, but then I realized that it's fine, but the model is pretty goddamn flat, and this does nothing to ameliorate that issue. I think the simple solution would actually be to bring down the waistline to closer by her natural waist, and develop a superdeep V. When you get a model flat enough to pull that off without her tits shaking out every time she takes a step, why not capitalize on it? This dress drove me nuts because it looks like Keith took a dress from Beauty and the Beast right off the rack from the Disney store and plopped it on this model. It looks EXACTLY like the gold dress Belle wears in the movie! Grrrrrrr! I can't get over that so, yeah, not exactly liking it.
Kelly/Germaine...Speed would have liked to see the colors reversed on this, which I think has potential. I don't like how there is weird asymmetrical patchwork on the bodice...I think the sort of diagonal ruching effect is interest enough without the creamy-yellow patch on her left pec. I LOVE the detailing of the shoulder and neck cowl whosie, though...the sheer with the ruffle is really pretty. I would have liked to see that ruffle echoed at the hemline, because I feel like there's too much going on from the waist up, and not enough from the waist down. Also, the shoes do not match. Don't like it too much, very blah. There is definitely some distorting of boobs here, which I'm not really a fan of. I kind of like the color combination but overall this is really boring.
Joe/Topacio...dude. Is there a HOLE in this dress? EW! Before, I was just going to say it's boring as hell and has a visible hem, but now I am PERSONALLY OFFENDED by the hole. Fuck that. See, I didn't mind the hole so much but I would have liked to see the cutouts used in a different spot or in a different way. Without the hole though, this dress is ultra boring and plain.
Kenley/Shannone...Speed HATED this neck ruffle situation, but I think this is REALLY cute and chic. The black waistband is JUST enough, and the ruffle is enough volume without being overwhelming or anemic. Fantastico! I'm all about this dress. I have a thing for ruffles and high necks and when you put them together for me, wow! I think she looks so pretty and it's very figure flattering as well.
Korto/Katrina...Speed was all "WE GET IT, YOU'RE AFRICAN" last night and I have to say that to some extent the styling in this prompts the same response from me. The necklace is cool, but in concert with the hair, it's just trying to hard to be all "FEEL MAH ETHNIK RUTZ." Also, the clavicle upwards doesn't match the dress, doesn't match the shoes. Come on now, Korto, I KNOW you have awesomeness in there. I do actually like a lot about this dress...Tim cautioned her that the seams-on-the-outside effect would have to be handled perfectly, and I think she did, but then she took a wrong turn, and that turn, my friend, was the FINS! How do you take a cool concept like she had and then step back and say "hmm. You know what this needs? MORE CADILLAC!" I respect the trying of something different (see my response to the weird skirts and jackets in Valentino's couture collection), but in this case it failed. UGH! STOP IT KORTO. STOP. During the episode I kept saying, did you know she's African? Really. I'm sorry, but as a woman who is rather bottom heavy, I like things that accentuate my shape, not things that stand there with flashing lights and a sign that says "LOOK AT MY ASS!" It is not a flattering look at all. The styling made it seem like a costume as well.
Stella/Kendall...more too-short-ness, for me, highlighted here by the one long sleeve. I do appreciate, as one of the judges mentioned, that Stella was able to work some of HER style in there as well...after all, Stella's the designer who's competing. I am not too wild about this...I think the color is not that great on her and if I thought I had issues with your standard one-sleeved or sleeveless asymmetrical stuff, THIS makes me want to start slapping. Not a fan. I didn't even think the garment looked that great, and I couldn't understand why they had her in the top 3. Plus, I think Stella's a pain in the ass. I don't like the color and it's too short. Yech.
Suede/Tia...I hate the neckline of this. I don't really like the effect he made on the torso part of the dress but I can appreciate its artistic value. The neckline though for some reason just kills the entire thing for me. I don't even mind the concept that much, with the tulle, etc., but they had this one closeup of it last night and it looked unfinished and weird and gross and it made me angry. As you know, too, I like things to decide what they are...if the weather wants to be hot, great, if it wants to be cold, also fine, but PICK ONE. Same deal here. It can be a scoopneck, it can be a v-neck, but this is just decrepit and I HATE it. The neckline is definitely stupid, but I do like the criss-crossing and I was surprised that the color combination was cool too. It's neat, it's fun and young, so I can dig it.
Leanne/Karalyn...I actually thought the loopy bits were cool, but there was just SO MUCH at work her that you couldn't even appreciate their coolness! Also, I'm sorry Leanne, but pockets that far down by the hem are just not workable. It just makes it look unfinished to me, like there was supposed to be more skirt that got left off. I didn't really like all those flaccid bits of fabric flopping around on this dress. What a mess! It was just weird. Maybe with a different fabric it wouldn't have been as bad.
Terri/Xaveria...obviously, our girl Xaveria here is selling the shit out of this one, but I like it on its own merits, too. The ruffles are really well done and the color is great on her. It may be a bit simple, but to me the va-va-va-voom to basic ratio is just perfect. Well done! I really loved this look. It's really pretty, I love the color and you notice that the model looks beautiful. You're not really looking at the dress, you're looking at her which is the point! I was surprised this wasn't one of the tops.Speed has been getting kind of frustrated because he knows Blayne looks like SOMEONE but he has not been able to figure out who. Tonight he came up with two options...1. Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes, "but dirty," and 2. "if you took Mini Me and stretched him out." Needless to say, Speed promptly mulled over the chances that Blayne would drunkenly pee in a corner. Blayne looks like the kind of person who did too much heroin and then went shopping at the Thrift Store for some 80s shit. He. Is. A. Mess. I seriously worry for him because I'm afraid someone will drunkenly pee on him while he's strung out in a corner. Peelicious!
I also noticed, when he said "I'm thinkinnng I'm gonna win this!" in the first ep, he sounded JUST LIKE this one child on Paranormal State...same weird inflection, same bizarre verbal tics. Obviously it's not as good a pop cultural reference but I know you've watched at least parts of PS, so maybe you've seen this kid, since they rerun the shit out of that show. It's an episode where the kid is seeing ghosts, but specifically one ghost, and it turns out there was actually someone who died who fit the description, etc. Really weirdly over-mannered way of speaking...there's a scene where they are talking out on a deck. If you see or have seen it you'll know what I mean but seriously it's weird.
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