Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Demolition Derby

A while back, I worked concessions at Monster Jam, and went in to work the next day all excited about it, which somehow turned into one of my coworkers saying I should be in a demolition derby. For any of you slow people out there, a demolition derby is a contained form of lawlessness wherein you take an old junker, put on what always looks like totally inadequate safety equipment, and proceed to smash your vehicle into other vehicles until your car doesn't go anymore. If you don't think that sounds awesome, we cannot be friends. Sorry.

In any case, fun or not, I've decided to finally bring my coworker's vision to fruition in the interest of humanity.

That's right, I'm going to rid the world of the Worcester Creep.

If you've driven in or around Worcester, you know what this is...a driver leaving a parking lot (for some reason, this never happens when coming out of a side street) edges slowly out, at least until their front end is all the way over the shoulder and often until their entire vehicle is across the lane, forcing everyone to stop so that their impatient ass can get over to the other lane. In WHAT WORLD is this okay? Why are people such shitty drivers? I mean, I am certainly not about to hold up Drivers' Ed as a beacon of light unto the motorized world, but they at LEAST cover the basics of "don't drive like a moron." Even if they DIDN'T, is this not common sense? What the hell is going on here? Currently I just lean on my horn and throw them the finger, but seriously, never in my LIFE has it occured to me to drive like that, where are these people GETTING IT?

So the next time you see me coming, Creepers...beware. BEWAAAAAARE!

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