No Comprendo

Dear Fashion,

Whither the fake pockets?

I really feel like I am missing out on secrets here. I'd say about half the pants I own have false pockets - there is a full pocket lining, but the opening of the pocket is stitched closed. Now, the Esteemed Michael Kors once said on Project Runway that all the women he knows cut the pockets out of their pants. This I understand. When there are back pockets in dress pants, I cut them out and sew the opening shut, the theory being that I don't ever use them and thus the lining will do nothing but get gunged up and thus pocket-line-y, which is unacceptable. But why put a pocket lining in if said pocket isn't intended to be used? WHY?

I'm sure there's an explanation, and I'll put it on the list of Questions to Ask Fashion (along with "why do you think women who wear jeans ALSO want and/or have a New Look size waist? Who the hell has a waist that cuts violently inward six inches over a span of 3?"), but in the meantime, please know that the last goddamn thing I want to do in the morning when I have just heard on the radio that 495 is backed up is spend five fucking minutes rearranging utterly useless pocket liners and generally looking like a crazy person.

Love,

Me

PS - Please bring back hats.