Josial Summer Boredom Experiment!

I recently ordered the aforementioned and aforelauded Juicy Couture perfume, and with it, Macy's was kind enough to send me a little baggie of perfume samples. I will be reviewing them for your reading pleasure and hopefully not smelling gross in the process. Poor Speed will likely be agitated with this process, since I know part of his ambivalence towards perfumes I force him to smell is rooted in the fact that different perfume equals change. (After the third perfume in about 4 months that he'd responded to with a shrug and an "eh," he finally cleared it all up: "I don't know why you have to change anyway, I liked the old one and when you were gone the comforter smelled like you." Show me a person who doesn't think that's cute and I show you someone with no soul.)

So here's what the Nice Macy's People sent me.

• DNKY Be Delicious
• DKNY Red Delicious
• DKNY Be Delicious in some kind of special edition
• DKNY Red Delicious in some kind of special edition
• I think we can all agree the DKNY people must be stopped
• Marc Jacobs Daisy
• Issey Miyake L'eau D'Issey
• Juicy Couture Juicy Couture
• Jennifer Lopez Deseo
• Emporio Armani Diamonds
• Calvin Klein Euphoria
• Tommy Bahama Set Sail South Seas
• Clinique Happy
• Mysterious "refreshing towel" in Bulgari Oshiboi au The Vert
• Izod for Men, duly assigned to Speed for testing

After writing that last post about perfume, I wound up talking about it with a couple friends and realizing that I'd left off a wide variety of perfumes, including Everyone In The World's First Perfume, "Love's Baby Soft," a seriously ill advised foray in to CK One (luckily every other 9th grader on Earth was bathing in this substance at the same time), and a handful of other minor flings. Interesting that some are easily remembered and some just slip the mind; one of the ones I forgot is on my dresser right now, and also came in this sample pack. With those holes in my memory, I'll admit that I can't remember everything and move forward.

Now, a couple of these perfumes I have worn, and I'll try and explain why I do and don't like them. I do not speak the strange, cryptic language of the people who write copy for perfume, so don't ask me to discuss "motes of plum" or "essence of amber" here...amber is a rock, okay, what the hell you people. God forbid perfume description writers ever breed with the OPI nail polish people.

Clinique Happy
What Sephora Says: "Launched in 1997, the original Happy is a lingering, multi-layered floral. Wear it and be happy." Notes: Ruby Red Grapefruit, Boysenberry Bush Flower, Hawaiian Wedding Flower. Style: Chic. Modern. Sparkling.

What I say: This perfume has never smelled good on me. It's very cute and fresh and my sister wore it (maybe still does), but it just never smelled right. I don't think pure florals work for me on any level...I'm just not quite girly enough. That being said, I think for people whose body chemistry synchs up with this better, it's an awesome summery perfume, and more power to 'em.

DKNY Be Delicious
What Sephora Says: "A modern feast for the senses. Served in a sleek metal and glass apple bottle, this juicy fragrance combines the scent of apple with a sophisticated blend of exotic flowers and sensual woods. Like the city that inspired it, Be Delicious celebrates individuality with refreshing spirit." Notes: American Apple, Cucumber, Grapefruit, Candid Magnolia, Tuberose, White Muguet, Rose, Violet, Sandalwood, Tender Skin Accord, Blonde Woods, White Amber. Style:Free-spirited. Refreshing. Unique.

What I Say: Can we just get something out of the way? What in the blue fuck is an American Apple and how does it differ from European apples? Again I say to you - start stockpiling canned goods and duct tape if these people ever get together with the nail polish people. God. In any case, this is the perfume I own that I actually forgot about, which probably tells you everything you need to know about how often I wear it. I actually do like it in summer, but I'll also note that it comes in a REALLY COOL apple shaped bottle and I am extremely susceptible to shiny shit and creative packaging...that it smells good in general and on my skin is entirely a happy coincidence. It's a bit strong for winter...I believe winter perfumes should be less strong and not as bright, since you're more likely to be inside socially. That being said, it's an unusually fruity scent, and the apple is quite clear. Very distinctive, very clean, almost to the point of being sharp. This also smells really good on me when I sweat a ton...I don't know why this happens, but it does. I'm just saying.

Marc Jacobs Daisy
What Sephora Says: "Enter the world of Daisy: fresh and feminine, with a playful innocence. At the heart of Daisy is a floral with vintage edge: violet. Sophisticated, with a touch of whimsy, violet captures the eclectic, vintage flavor of Marc Jacobs' feminine, edgy designs. Always elegant, always enchanting - but not too serious - Daisy is a sparkling floral bouquet, spirited and fresh, wrapped in comfort and warmth." Notes: Strawberry, Violet Leaves, Ruby Red Grapefruit, Gardenia, Violet Petals, Jasmine Petals, Musk, Vanilla, White Woods. Style:Bright. Alluring. Eternal.

What I Say: My absolute favorite thing about this perfume is its versatility. Those who know me know well my fixation on being able to dress up or down my clothes and makeup, and I find that it's a bit difficult to find perfumes that can do this. I have almost always had Day Perfumes and Night Perfumes, and during one dizzying period while I was in DC (and living near a physical Sephora...ah, Georgetown, I love you still), had Day Perfumes that when LAYERED by another perfume evolved into Night Perfumes...it was complicated, and problematic. But Daisy is a really great one, and I think the effect hinges on how we approach smell and how it's affected by what else is going on and vice versa. I think everyone's tried the trick where you eat something while smelling something else and it all gets gunged up and weird tasting and such, and I think scent can work the same way...if you're in a certain setting, your nose will pick out certain aspects of a complex smell, and in another, other facets of the scent. Really fantastic, and I expect it to be fabulous for summer. I bought this for my sister for Christmas, and then when I...yeah okay I totally opened the box to smell it SO SUE ME, I decided to ask for it for Christmas, and Speed's Mommy got it for me. (Thanks Speed's Mom!)

Juicy Couture
What Sephora Says: *Juicy Couture's description of this perfume is a made up fairy tale of towering ditziness, and if you think I would deign to copy it here we cannot be friends* Notes: Watermelon, Mandarin, Pink Passion Fruit, Marigold, Green Apple, Water Hyacinth, Crushed Leaves, Tuberose Absolute, Wild Rose, Princess Lily, Tuberose, Caramel Creme Brulee, Vanilla, Precious Woods, Patchouli. Style: Flirtatious. Romantic. Precious.

What I Say: Honestly, I'm horrified to discover that I have applied anything to my body that involves patchouli, much less something that I LIKE. Ugh, just the WORD makes me think about dirty hippies. Ew. In any case, I love this perfume and recently bought a full size bottle of it. It's not as versatile as Daisy, but it certainly has good range and is appropriate to most situations not involving sweatpants or evening gowns...actually even the latter might be okay. It has distinct floral aspects to it, but there's a grounding background to it as well that almost has an oriental feel.

Those are the ones I know and have tried already. I'm putting the Armani Diamonds on the top of the list, mostly because in the commercial Beyonce is shiny (no typos or missing words in that sentence. Yes, Beyonce is shiny. Yes, that is the appeal)...further bulletins as events warrant!