The Challenge: Make a menswear outfit suitable for hosting the Today Show for this guy:
I realize as I get older that one of the things I would like to leave as my legacy is some good old fashioned hilarity. A period of great respectability and power, then some awesomely dippy behavior. Not the Britney Spears variety of Bad Choices or anything, but just some nice zany middle-aged-to-old person behavior. And let me tell you, if there is a picture of me HALF as demented and awesome as this one of Our Close Personal Friend Tiki Barber on the Internet, my mission will be considered accomplished. That man is playing football in his skivvies while apparently playing a leading role in some kind of energetic musical in his head. Awesome.
Side Note: I think Tiki Barber is hot beyond all reason...The Lucy? Does not. TWO FRIENDS, ONE BESHINY-TOOTHED FOOTBALL PLAYER, NO DECISION!
So...menswear! Here we go.
Steven...when someone's previous outfit who I can't remember right now came down the runway, my immediate reaction was "that is a WHITE BOY outfit." When this arrived, my reaction was "that is a POLO PLAYING white boy's outfit." There are not enough concussions in the world to make Tiki Barber wear something that's this intended for someone from Connecticut. I also fucking HATE it and think it's so...snobby. I see this outfit and immediately want to punch whoever is in it. Ahahahahaha! Total white boy outfit indeed. I mean, this is the kind of outfit that can get your ass kicked by the guys playing polo. It is also very snobbish. I can't imagine anyone but Steven wanting to wear this outfit either. I think it fits his personality very well.
Sweet P...boy, did she dodge a bullet. I think this was one of the "we know you can do better" mercy in-ings. I actually like the IDEA of this...the black pant with the soft shirt and the REALLY NICE fabric on the too-long tie. I just think she was overwhelmed, and I have to tell you, I'm not surprised...with women's clothing, you can make a dress, you know? Eeesh. Menswear...not where I'd jump into fashion design, I tell ya. It's an okay effort in Advanced Make It Work Studies...okay, you screwed up the collar, so adopt a rumpled overall look, but there wasn't really any getting away from that collar. I liked that she was up front about it. Ah...the flaccid penis collar. I'm in agreement with you about the fact that they feel as though she can really do much better, and menswear is very hard so yeah, she totally got the benefit of the doubt. I know it wasn't her intention but this is just so clownish that it's unreal. The sleeves are all jacked up, as is the collar and the tie. Oh Sweet Pea, ye had better pull one out of your ass next week.
Victorya...so, I guess she thought he was going to...a wedding? A low budget wedding? And not the good kind? I don't get this and I don't WANT to, and PS those shoes fucking suck. The jacket is better executed than the majority of stuff presented, but I'm still not willing to excuse a white waiter's jacket as something to wear on the Today Show. Why was it the 80s for this whole challenge? Did you notice that? WTF? This outfit sucks ass. Serious ugly going on here, and yeah, the shoes? Gross. They look fucking terrible with this outfit. Thumbs WAY down on this one. [NB - This was Speed's favorite. I don't know.]
Jillian...I think this was the white boy outfit. I also think this was shipped in from the 70s. WRONG DECADE JILLIAN, GET WITH THE PROGRAM...it's 80S week! I hated this...the collar was disastrous and the shoes MUST have been picked out by throwing darts at the accessory wall while blindfolded. Hot. Mess. This is total 70s shit. I do kind of give her a little thumbs up for the 4 pieces that are well made though. The shoes make no sense whatsoever!
Kevin...speaking of creepy male models, I'm adding this guy to my list of people to run away from at all times. THe de-safety-pinning of the vest was perfect, I wish Kevin hadn't second guessed himself and pinned it. I didn't really like it though...it seemed sloppy and gives the model VERY weak and slopey shoulders. I think the color is great though...this is how to incorporate black properly for ANYONE much less someone with dark skin. See, now I think that if Kevin fitted the vest a little more, this could have been the winning look. I absolutely LOVE the color. LOVE IT. I think more men need to bring color into their wardrobes, and this is doing it in a way that isn't super obnoxious. I personally would have picked Kevin to win the challenge.
Kit...was this the polar fleece jacket? I think it was. I actually liked that in concept but didn't love it in practice. I found it really hard to judge fabric choice in this challenge. And let me tell you...I can hardly handle popped polo collars. In what fucked up universe is it okay to pop a goddamn JACKET COLLAR???? Easy answer: THERE IS NO SUCH UNIVERSE!! Anyone who pops their collars should be shot on sight. For real. There is no reason to do that whatsoever, unless you're a post menopausal woman and you're trying to frame your face, ok? I hate that shit. But anyway, this outfit is a little to casual for me. I think it's kind of cool how she made an actual collar for a polar fleece jacket. I don't think that's easy so props to her. It's cute but boring.
Rami...okay...STILL it is the 80s. Why? WHY? I hate this far less than the other Members Only jacket but it's still too casual. Not a bad effort and the fit is all right, but the styling is just off base. I continue to love Rami and make up fantasies about him in which he revolutionizes fashion in the new Soviet Russia. I don't get the 80s vibe from this...I just get that crisp, classic look. It's just ok to me though. I don't love it, nor do I hate it, nor am I bored by it. It just is. My gay friends just fantasize about Rami period. It's pretty entertaining to listen to the things they say about him.
Ricky...I was totally biased towards this one just because Ricky made an effort in the direction of a full suit. It WAS crappily made and the fit was off, but I'm sorry, if you get to dress Tiki Barber's shoulders, much less the rest of him, you put him in a suit jacket. It's boring and particularly un-special because it was black with an orange pocket square (which by the way I have SEEN Barber in and he did it much better), but I guess I appreciate the effort?? Total blah. No pizazz, no spark, no nothing. But, like you mentioned, at least there is a bit of an effort here.
Carmen...I kind of wanted Carmen to go from the beginning because she reminds me of Zulema who I hated and wanted to punch all the time, but this is...oh my crap it is bad. I mean, the fabric thing is a creative enough solution but there was no shit, the jacket was heinous and weirdly pinned shut? And the crotch was, as our friend declared, totally insane. (Maybe you can help here - I am pretty sure that Michael Kors has used the phrase "insane crotch" before. Anyone else, I would think I was imagining things, but...seriously I think he said it before.) Good shootin', even if it was no-brainer shootin'. AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. CRAP TASTIC! Nice fucking tammy too. Boy, I'll tell you, someone would have to be really drunk to think that this piece of shit is an outfit. Our hero, Mr. Kors told Bradley that the crotch on his Cher outfit was insane, so yes, you are correct!
Chris...snore. I would like to note here that if you have a black man with fucking LUMINOUS skin, you do not ever ever ever put him in boring basic black. Give that man the strong color and sharp white that his gorgeous skin demands!! Remember Michael Knight last season talking about his STUNNING black-and-white dress on Nasri? "Black people...we just look good in white." That's not bullshit, kids. I offer for evidence everything in the world that Tiki himself or Shannon Sharpe have ever worn. Boring boring boring hate hate hate. Ugh! Chris, you silly ass. Weren't you the person who asked him how he felt about COLOR? I'm pretty sure you were, so WHY THE HELL IS THIS OUTFIT BLACK? I don't even have anything to say about this other then, well, meh.
Christian...You also forgot Christian's outfit, which was memorable only in the sense that I fear that pretty soon he's going to turn into an asymmetrical one trick pony. True. Josie = Fail.
Elisa...boy, male models are fucking weird looking, aren't they? At least 90% of these guys look like aliens. I thought this was doofy and not formal enough. I admit I have a substantial bias in that I like my dressed up guys in a jacket of some kind, whether it's a blazer or a full suit, but dude...he's hosting Today, not collecting mushrooms in the fucking woods with his pet rabbit. This is gnomewear. Ok...hahahahahahaha! I find the shrunken vest really weird, and I think the color scheme gives you that woodsy, earthy feeling, but they're also a poor choice for Tiki. It feels almost unwearable to me...I can't picture anyone in this at all. I did enjoy her, "I've only fit my boyfriend intimately." *giggles*
Jack...I like this, even if I think it's not dressy enough, but my favorite part about it? "Design by Jack, modeled by Jack." Heeeeee. The bias pocket/placket, as the Esteemed Mr. Kors noted, is very nice, and the whole thing fit well and was nicely done. Normally I HATE when the judges are like "well, you didn't actually DO the challenge, but we like it so you win anyway," but considering the clusterfuck that was this challenge I'm more than happy to roll with that this time. Throw a blazer over this and you have a REAL winner, which I think is what will probably happen if it makes it on air. What I don't get about this whole outfit is that when I was watching it come down the runway, I almost had a seizure from the stripes. It was terrible! I can't imagine why they thought this look was the best one for television. I do like the differences in the strip directions though, and I like the colors as well. Also, his collar doesn't look like a flaccid penis so that is also a plus.
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