Monday, November 8, 2010

There Are Some Prerequisites For Getting My Money

There aren't actually that many prerequisites because as it turns out I am quite law abiding and also don't really like conflict, so basically if you are a freshly-scrubbed looking college student with a clipboard and an Oxfam shirt or you have the ability to issue parking tickets, you can get some of my money. That being said, one of the things I really must insist on is legibility.

I parked at Riverside last week, instead of my normal Westborough commuter rail game plan, and of course because the parking gods hate me I got a ticket.
I always enjoy parking tickets because they need so badly to justify their paper use. You could really just write "$5 IN THE DROPBOX OR WE'RE BOOTING YOU" but because the simpler a task gets the more frippery you need to put on the paperwork, they always have lots of random underlining and up-capping and "COMPUTER CONTROL" and what have you. The good thing is that I'm reasonably sure they will never know it was me because that license plate number is nowhere near readable.

Of course, we know I will totally pay this stupid ticket because I am a wuss, except for one thing:
WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT? Is that an H? I have to pay them 6H dollars? How do you even pay something in Hs? What is the exchange rate for Hs? This part is important because I am in grad school and that means I have like, four dollars on a good week, so if $6H is more than $2.50 I am going to need to buy more Ramen. 6H kind of sounds like 4H so maybe I need to groom a sheep or something. I blame this whole goddamn thing on pennies.


Dear pennies,

I hate you. The bottom of my cool kid backpack is AWASH in your stupid coppery pointlessness and my car cupholder is full of you. I don't know why the Mint keeps making you, because I have never met someone who wasn't like "pennies? Fuck pennies, oh my God." You are terrible and you make my life bad.

Love, Die Painfully,



So anyway I probably won't be back at Riverside for a couple weeks but I have to figure out how to pay $6H before I go back there. Otherwise I'm gonna have to steal someone else's license plates.


  1. I want to crawl inside your and steal all your brain candy. I'd use it for good, no worries.

  2. See I think they asked for 6K dollars. Looks like a K to me. AND that's translatable to to dollars.