Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Sometimes the Understanding of "Garden Center" is a Little Foggy

Lots of gardening this Memorial Day weekend, beginning with the installation of the long awaited raised dahlia bed:
It's an 8'x5' bed made out of untreated wood (for better flower health), constructed by the crack construction team of Brown & Brown, Inc. Dad helped me go to Lowe's, where we got a bunch of wood and some nails, then we went out back and went to town using Pioneer Woman's advice on building a raised garden bed, which was very helpful (though I think Dad probably could have winged it). Some stakes remain to be screwed in, but that's a quickie job. The tough part was leveling everything and getting it situated. I still need to get some dirt for it, but I will have to run out tomorrow. Then we will have the planting!

Mom and I also went over to a nearby nursery to pick up some plants for my back garden. Now, I don't run a garden store or anything, but I'm just saying that MAYBE if I was going to open one I would hold off on the order for "the jive-talkin', stereotype-livin' Jim Crow crows from Dumbo in lawn ornament form," you know?
Then again, if you're already making room on your shelves for the "Water Worm" then I guess there isn't much reason to hold back:
Umm, that is a dildo. I understand that they're trying to say it's something that indicates when your garden needs watering, but...it's a dildo. I mean, an epic, somewhat terrifying dildo, but still. Moreover, it's one of those completely useless items that is a redundancy to something that comes standard on your body, because the best way to tell if you need to water your garden? Is to touch the soil. With your finger. [NB: Most humans come equipped with ten of these highly specialized tools.] You're supposed to put this thing on your soil, and if the terra cotta is dark, the soil is okay. If it's light, you need to water it. I am amazed I haven't seen a deranged infomercial for it.

On the other hand, we did get several nice plants and we saw both my accompanist and a hummingbird:

No comments:

Post a Comment