Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Singing The Stars And Stripes Forever At Top Volume


I LOVE election day, not least because the people in my little demographic alcove of Folks Who Are Perhaps A Bit Too Psyched About Things Like The Electoral College completely lose their minds today, and it never fails to delight. Needless to say, I have some thoughts.

Once upon a time, I was riding the Metro and explaining Massachusetts to someone. I explained that pretty much the whole state was Democrat, but then every couple of years, we dug around under rocks and stuff to find the only Republican in the state and elected him or her Governor. The person behind me on the Metro, who turned out to be from Quincy, started cracking up, clapped a hand on my shoulder, and said "that's the best summary of Massachusetts politics I think I've ever heard." It was kind of great. This year, however, we have a Democrat at least 30% up in every poll you can think of, and that is a thing of beauty.

Running this year are Christy Mihos(I-W.Yarmouth), who ran a fantastic commercial featuring cartoon politicians shoving their heads up their butts (yeah, you read that right) when questioned about what was up with problematic state politics, including one who looked exactly like Lt. Gov. and Republican candidate Kerry Healey. It also bears mentioning that in the first debate, he smacked Healey down so hard even people who DIDN'T LIKE her were calling in to Nerd Radio 580 all "Gee, settle down, guy," and that on his website, he has an entire section of his website dedicated to DOGS that support him (yeah, you read that right, too), an initiative apparently headed up by his own dog, Reagan. Don't you kind of want to vote for him?

The other third party contender is Grace Ross(G/R-Worcester), who is a nice lady who has held up well in debates but whom I suspect could not really cut it in the corner office. She is involved inpolitics pretty heavily, and clearly understands what needs to get done without being ridiculous about it and making change for change’s sake, but I think she is one of those people who is better and more effective at a lower level of government, rather than the glad-handing super-leadership levels. But the thing is, you need a good hardcore trenches person, and I think she's it. If the Patrick/Murray gang is smart, they will snap her up and get her working for them.

So now we come to the main event. For the Democrats we have Deval Patrick(D-Milton), running with Tim Murray, Mayor of Worcester. Patrick has basically been doing the equivalent of planting his hand on Kerry Healey's forehead while she whales away, trying to end him for all time. Ain't happening. I don't necessarily blame this on the huge cavern between their ideologies (I don't think the gap is that drastic, to be honest with you), but rather on the incredibly negative campaign she has run. I personally voted for Patrick for three, Tim Murray, two, Patrick's been effective at getting shit done in both government and in the corporate world, and three, Kerry Healey is a useless pest who ran a hideously nasty campaign and who I don't want being the first woman ANYTHING much less Governor of the state I live in.

And then we have the infamous Kerry Healey (R-Beverley), who was the incumbent Lieutenant Governor and has very pretty blonde hair. I think if she'd run a less aggressively negative campaign, she would have had a chance, but once she went negative, so did her poll numbers, and they never really rebounded. When I woke up Election Day morning, she was 30 points or more behind Patrick in every poll you could find. She also did something that I HATE politicians doing, which was to make a 50 point list of stuff she would's just too much in the sound-bite society we're all operating in. Pick your ten favorites and then discuss the rest on the trail. Criminy. Ain't no one gonna read your 50 points except the dorks like me, kid, and we already know who we're voting for.

Can I just tell you that I love voting for the Hon. James P. McGovern SO MUCH? He wasn't even running against anyone this cycle, and I'm there in the voting cube coloring in the little circle all "YEAH! UNH! GO JIM!" in my head. He is everything I love about politics and I am SO HAPPY to have him as my Congressman. He will be the second ranking Democrat on the Rules Committee, which is so, SO huge and I am psyched.

Other things that make me happy:
  • Democrats taking the House!! And maybe the Senate! But even if they don't, giving the GOP a run for their money!
  • Record turn out across the board - get outraged! WOOOOO! Vote with your iron ballot of influence!
  • Someone using a glass paperweight to smash a voting machine in Allentown, PA.
  • Showing up to vote and finding LINES rather than a ghost town.
  • Semi-drunk texting between Scarlett and I about how awesome everything is involving lots of profanity.
  • First messages of the day with Scarlett, to wit: "I KNOW!!!!!!!!!! fuck i am tired dude and still drunk but what the fuck is going on with VA i'm so pissed i went to bed at like 4 and webb had won lol"
  • Santorum getting ousted. (FINALLY! Good job, PA, dude was poison.)
  • Ted Kennedy, in general
  • Ted Kennedy wondering aloud why anyone would want to be out in California, Maria.
  • Ted Kennedy's Arnold Schwartzenegger impression. (No, I'm not kidding. I laughed until I choked.)
  • Did I mention Jim McGovern is now the 2nd ranking on Rules? Because he is.
  • CNN's election coverage...your regular news is crap now, y'all, but your election stuff still rocks.
  • McCaskill vs. Talent...she pulled it out. Not that it was worth my contract, but still.
  • James Carville, in general.
  • James Carville, snapping at Paul Begala to shut the hell up.
  • Jim McGovern getting arrested at a protest

Things that did NOT make me happy:

  • John Freaking Kerry being all up in the place with Kennedy and Patrick. STOP ENCOURAGING HIM, PEOPLE.
  • Staying up late only for stupid Virginia to go to a recount.
  • ...stupid Virginia.
  • Kerry lurking in the background of EVERY SHOT.
  • Having Kennedy walk across the stage for like TEN MILES to talk about Deval Patrick...dude is fantastic, but he is also old, and he looks it when you watch him like that.
  • Not being in DC for the election.
Oh man that was so great. Still waiting on Montana and Virginia but I am so pumped.

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