Go Hard Big Dick

Okay, let me explain the title.

I went to a whole bunch of schools to check them out when I was a senior. One of them was Dickinson College, which is very nice and a good school although it didn't happen to resonate with me (mainly because it wasn't in DC). We were touring the cafeteria when someone wandered past us wearing a shirt that said, in giant, college athletics style lettering, "GO HARD BIG DICK." That? Is awesome, and improved my opinion of the fun factor of Dickinson by a factor of about seven trillion. Regrettably, I did not purchase a shirt of my own, which haunts me to this day. Anyway, for some reason, now whenever someone says "go hard or go home," what flashes into my head is "GO HARD BIG DICK." And then there is inappropriate giggling and an embarassing explanation. Why am I LIKE this, you guys?

So anyway, the "go big or go home big dick" theory is currently being applied to the bathroom redo, which started with a burning hatred of the fake plastic tile on the first day we saw it. I am seriously amazed that the tile has not just melted off the walls from some of the angry glares I have sent its way over the time we've lived in the house. It's hideous and too high and stupid and icky...whatever, I don't like it. At some point, we freaked out and ripped all the tile off the wall, so now our bathroom decor is "mastic effing EVERYWHERE" which leaves a little to be desired. Let me explain how the thought process went.

Problem: Bathroom is ugly as sins perpetuated by people who clean sewers for a living.

Solution #1: Josie and Speed will rip down tile, prep walls, and paint bathroom the stunning color that Mom and Dad painted their kitchen. A new mirror/medicine cabinet will be installed, and we'll buy a silvertone light fixture so that the charming Our Shower Door Is Silver By Why Not Shake It Up And Get Gold Light Fixtures And Medicine Cabinets decor is eradicated.

Problem: Bathroom is so ugly even the cats hate it.

Solution #2: Josie and Speed will rip down tile. CONTRACTOR will cut wallboard out where the mastic is, put in new greenboard, spackle/sand/whatever to prep walls, paint. Pedestal sink, new shower door, and TILE FLOOR will be installed, also by contractor. Contractor will carry out his BRILLIANT idea of cutting a little door that opens into vacuum cleaner closet so bathroom supplies can be stored and accessed there.

Then we went to Home Depot and Lowe's to pick out tile, a pedestal sink that was both attractive and would fit our teeny midget bathroom, and a new shower door. In the process, we walked past jacuzzi tubs.

Problem: Bathroom is so ugly it sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.
Final solution: Josie and Speed rip down tile. Contractor cust wallboard blah blah blah new painted wall. Pedestal sink. Tile floor. New shower door. Supercool access door. NEW JACUZZI TUB, since they now make them so they fit in the space taken up by a regular tub.

Go big or go home inDEED.