Idiocy: A Phone Call in Six Acts

ACT I

Phone: Ring! Ring!

Me: Good morning, Company I Work For, this is Josie, how can I help you?

Lady: Hi, I need the name and contact info for my heating contractor?

Me: Ah, okay, did you go through the HEAT Loan program?

My brain: ...because otherwise how the hell do you think I would know this information? *pause* Did she say she needed his name???

Lady: Well, I sent in a rebate form and he had to put his name and address on it so I thought you would have it because the rebate came from you.

Me: Okay, well let me put you on hold and try to find the file. Hang on.

Lady: Thanks.

ACT II

Me: Hey, where do the rebate forms go after they get processed?

K: Umm...I'm not sure actually, ask Tom what happens to them.

Me: Hey Tom, where do the rebate forms go after they get processed? For instance, the ones from March?

Tom: Ah...Utility One in C's drawer, Utility Two in the yellow folder on my desk. *wanders off*

Me: *rifles through the papers on Tom's desk, all of the forms there are too recent. Return to office*

ACT III

Phone: Ring! Ring!

Me: Good morning, Company I Work For, this is Josie, how may I help you?

Lady: Hi I was on the phone with someone and she said she was going to find my rebate form with my contractor's info because I need to contact him and I was on hold and then it went to voicemail and I don't know who I was talking to but I was on hold because she was finding my form and then it went to voicemail and

Me (now pissed because not only is she wasting my time with a stupid request but she also can't be fucked to remember my name which she heard when I picked up and then again on voicemail): YEAH OKAY, I am going to need to take your number and call you back because there are a lot of rebate forms to go through.

Lady: Oh okay. You can call me at (617)555-1212. Will this be soon?

Me: As soon as possible. Like I said, there are a lot of forms to go through.

Lady: Oh okay well thanks bye *click*

Me: *melt phone with my eyeballs and mindbullets*

ACT IV

Me: Okay, how about ones from March?

My brain: Like I said last time when you ignored that piece of info.

Tom: *pulls out some files from C's drawer* Okay here it is.

Act V

Phone: Boop boop boop...ring! Ring!

Lady: Hello?

Me: Hi there, is this Liz?

Lady: Well *inexplicable mumble* yeah.

Me: This is Josie calling you back fom CSG with your contractor info?

Lady: Oh okay! Let me get a pen. *futzes around for 10 minutes collecting a pen*

Me: Okay, the name is Blah Blahman, and his business phone is (774)867-5309.

Lady: Great...do you have his address?

Me: Yes, it's 1234 Blah Street in West Roxbury.

Lady: Thanks! That was fast actually.

Me: Yeah no problem. Bye.

Lady: Bye.

ACT VI

Phone: SMASH!

Me: *quits job, hides under bed*

FIN


What kind of fucking moron pays someone MULTIPLE THOUSANDS of dollars AND allows them into their home to install a heating system which they rely on to make their home liveable and then doesn't retain an INVOICE, much less ANY RECOLLECTION OF THE MAN'S NAME, PHONE NUMBER OR ADDRESS?

Discuss.