Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Living with Cats is Much like Stockholm Syndrome, Y/Y?

The sound that cats make before they puke.

I'm guessing that pretty much everyone just thought of the same thing, and many of you thought of it before you even got to "that cats make before they puke" because that sound is the most horribly distinctive noise ever for some reason.  Important question: why is it so frigging resonant?  The cat could be downstairs inside his little litterbox igloo and I could have my headphones on while vacuuming upstairs and I'd still hear that shit.

Anyway, the orange one started making that noise a few minutes ago.  I'm writing a technical paper right now, which means I've been spending a lot of time sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap and an extravagant blanket of paper and binders and like...assorted writing detritus locking me in.  So the cat starts making the vomit noise, and I look down at the ground helplessly, at which point he barfs on my mitten book.  And of course he barfs on the mitten book, because it took me three months to find a replacement copy when I lost it a while back and then took two weeks to actually get delivered.  Do you know what the first thing I thought was?

"Well at least he puked on the book and not the carpet."

THAT IS NOT HEALTHY.  That's like going "well, at least he only hits me in the torso so no one notices my black eyes."  Some freaking animal puked on my belongings and I approved of his choice of barf locale!  I used to be sane.  Oh and needless to say he ralphed up fish food flakes because his OTHER favorite way to bring joy to my life is knocking the fish flakes off the table and last night when he did it, the cap fell off.  The other cat, by the way, is sleeping on all of my papers at once somehow, and emits whiney squeaks when I try to use them, like, "sorry cat, I'd hate to disrupt your life, since you get paid for using these materials and all.  OH WAIT."
Yeah, they look cute now.  Fuckin' cats.

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