Sunday, April 19, 2009

Nouveau Riche

I always thought of the term "nouveau riche" as a vaguely snotty concept employed by ladies who wore a lot of pleated skirts and pearls to refer to those who made their money and spent it on fairly conspicuous consumption. Luckily, the grand tradition of living in society gives us the eternal gift of neighbors, and neighbors are nothing if not constant sources of learning and amazement.

There are some people who live near-ish to Rich's parents who knocked down an extremely old and venerable smallish house to build not one, but two hideous McMansionesque heaps of rock. This would be offensive enough, had they not then decided to top off this extravaganza with lawn decor that could not be more representative of the most garish manifestation of the "nouveau riche" concept if it had neon signs attached to it announcing its price tag. Let me illuminate for you the glory of this masterpiece.
This is a fountain of some sort that represents one of two pieces of pseudo-Asian influence. It's got that kind of Japanese zen fountain thing going on...but accented with some kind of white lump of rock that makes no sense and looks bizarre. There is also a heron sculpture next to it. Remarkably, this is an replaced a topiary of either an elephant or a poodle (jury's still out), which Rich brilliantly described as having been "so ugly it killed itself."
This is the Buddha statue upon whose belly the street number is displayed. The hitching post is presumably for tethering the Hummer I'm sure I didn't need to tell you they drive.
On the left hand side of the yard, these two pieces of magic are waiting for you. No yard is complete without a waving American flag carved in granite and the Anheuser-Busch eagle. I suspect it's actually meant to represent one of the armed forces, but frankly, this looks like a Bud Light kind of house, you know?
You pass those tiny pieces of stony delight on your way to house number two, which is not quite as hideous as house number one, but does have the distinct advantage of having a granite Mickey and Minnie Mouse in the front yard. Those are the things on the the left is what I have to assume is a plastic object made to LOOK like stone, because it's a water wheel that turns. Luckily, they had the foresight to install an additional hitching post for when the first house's inhabitants visit.

I was not able to get a picture of the larger-than-life-size mannequin of abject horror that stands guard on the porch of house number's a woman in a black gown, and I have no idea what the hell it's about.

I must learn to operate the zoom on my phone.

1 comment:

  1. I have seen both of these houses with my own eyes and I'm still trying to remove those images from my mind.