Football Dude #1: What is it gonna take for a team to beat [some team I forgot already because I don't care]?
Football Dude #2: Well, it's gonna have to be a team that scores a lot of points.
I understand that this roughly means "'cause there's no stopping that offense" and all but man, that is some dumb-sounding shit. These guys are getting paid more than I'll probably see in a lifetime to issue inane comments like that. I don't even know.
2. The only way American hockey broadcasts are going to get more viewership is if they kidnap all the video and production guys from Hockey Night in Canada. Hockey is a hard game to put on TV and every US network who has tried has failed dramatically. Unfortunately, it's going to have to be kidnapping, because no way is Canada allowing those people to leave the Great White North. In turn, this means we're going to have to have a war. "No problem!" you may say, "America's overblown military-industrial complex will handle the Canadian invasion in a thrice!" If you say this, you are underestimating the passion of our neighbors to the north as far as their hockey goes. It would be like Thermopylae in that piece.
3. I'm pretty sure everyone should just elect Tim Tebow to something and have done with it. I don't know much about him, but it does seem that every sports outlet on the planet is going to great lengths to avoid saying he's really just not that good, yet everyone seems to agree that he's just a really nice dude and people like him. He was on The Daily Show and he charmed my face off, I understand this. However, maybe we should stop trying to make Tim Tebow happen and just let him get on with his career as a Congressperson or life coach or official hug therapist or whatever because now I'm starting to hate him and I don't even fully understand who he is or why anyone cares.
Those are my thoughts on sports for the day.