THAT'S RIGHT, TRUMP! I AM ONTO YOUR WILY WAYS! I AM TOO CRAFTY FOR YOU!
Unfortunately, I am not crafty enough to have placed money on your firing of an entire team on tonight's episode of The Apprentice. But! You didn't get that one past ME, Donny boy...ho ho hoooooo no. HAH!
Perhaps I should explain.
The previews for tonight's episode of The Apprentice were VERY exciting...Donald was gonna be PISSED, he was gonna have to come back from a business trip to lay the smack down, my beloved Carolyn Kepcher was going to be subbing in for Trump (with"Boyfriend Bill" Rancic as George's subsitute...come back soon George! But keep Bill!), something that had NEVER HAPPENED IN THE BOARDROOM BEFORE was going to happen....all very exciting. So here's the synopsis...
*SPOILER ALERT! NOT MY FAULT IF YOU READ IT!*
As mentioned above, Carolyn - whose hair, by the way, looked TERRIBLE tonight, like a damn dog chewed on it, which sucks, because she has looked gorgeous all season - was in charge, and dealt the task of going to Dick's Sporting Goods stores, picking a sport, and holding a mini sports expo to sell - remember this for later - equipment. She also shook up the teams a bit...each PM selected the three people they thought had contributed the least and sent them to the other team. Alla sent away Rebecca, Marshawn (!) and Jennifer M, while...I think Josh sent away Markus, Clay, and someone else who I can't remember at this PRECISE moment in time. Capital Edge picked golf, which none of them played, and Alla was the PM. I suspected that I liked her this whole season, and I THINK I still do, but she's a very bossy and not very listen-y PM, which I don't love. Anyway, Excel (way to name yourselves creatively, douchebags) picked baseball, which was a nice concept, complete with a full size batting cage and tutorials for the kids....which turned out to be all that people cared about. The bottom line is that while Capital Edge managed to boost regular sales for the golf department by 74%, while Excel actually made the baseball sales DROP by 30% or so. OUCH. They LITERALLY lost by 100%. Hah!
So Trump comes back and he's pissy because it's the YOOGEST defeat EVER, and they call the whole team minus Rebecca and I believe Brian, who was exempt from last week's success as PM, back to the Boardroom,
and is very cantankerous.
And then he fired every one of their asses. Four people gone, in one fell swoop. WHOMP.
AND I KNEW IT!
I said just the other day - "well, what the hell are they going to do then? Fire the whole team? That's really all you can do that hasn't BEEN done in the Boardroom thus far." HAH.
I would also like to say that the Zathura floats from last week's episode were AWESOME, even the one that lost, so good job on that, people I don't and probably won't ever know. Also, big props to Jacob from Television Without Pity, not only for his awesome recapping in general, especially Apprentice-capping, but ESPECIALLY-ESPECIALLY for this passage, which had me straight up losing my shit at work: "For some reason, I've noticed, the marketing's kind of ignoring the whole Jumanji aspect, especially of late, and I think that's weird, because even if you can't say Zathura, I bet you can say Jumanji. It's characterized by the execs as a "sci-fi family adventure," which means they can't just focus on marketing to kids, because it's a big movie the whole family can enjoy blah blah lies lies lies it's a dumb kids' movie and Jumanji sucked. Take an awesome kids' book, stir in a little Robin Williams, and then feel sorry for yourself about what you've just done."
I am going to respond to all of Fake Cancer Girl's crap with that from now on.
"But I'm telling the truuuuuuth!"
"Blah blah blah lies lies lies, it's a dumb kids' movie and Jumanji sucked."
Hah! I am responding to EVERYTHING with that from now on!
Anyway, the Frightening Moment of the Day award goes to the usually better-behaved of the Terror Twins, Cady, fro getting stuck in the recliner and having to be rescued. We couldn't find her, and it was really bothering me that I couldn't, so we all tore the house apart for 15 to 20 minutes looking for her. We finally found her stuck up under the chair, somehow having gotten in but unable to get back out, so I had to reach in and pull the poor thing out, and she was TOTALLY scared and probably hungry as hell from being stuck in there all day. Of course once I found her, I was pissed, because I'd been on the verge of tears, and she SHOULDN'T BE IN THERE ANYWAY, but the upside is that it's improved her relationship with all of us DRASTICALLY. She's been hanging out and Being Cute and letting us pat her and me hold her, and all that, which is new and exciting.
In fact, she's saying hi to me now, so I am going to go and give her some love.